Random Acts of Writing: Unlikely Crossovers
by aces
Summary: Against my better judgement (if I ever had any), I am posting these...beware.


Okay, if you don't know the TV shows _Campion, All Creatures Great and Small, Red Dwarf, Whose Line is it Anyway?,_ and _Are You Being Served?_ and the Beatles movie (and the last scene especially well) _Yellow Submarine_, then these almost-wannabe-but-not-quite drabbles (I have a hard time shutting myself up, all right?) will make no sense. I grant you, some of these ideas I got from other people (I lay all the blame on Scott Nisbett and a _Doc Who_ fanfic site I found, and therefore take no responsibility for my insane actions), and I obviously got the shows/movies/what-have-you from other people, but the actual stories really are mine, I promise. Well, except maybe for the Beatles one…you _really_ have to know "Yellow Sub" to get that one, okay? Just warning you. *grin*

Random Acts of Writing: Unlikely Crossovers 

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Unlikely Crossover No. 1: "Just a green herring."

The Doctor stepped out of the TARDIS and looked around in deep satisfaction. Tegan came out behind him, also looking around, her nose wrinkling in distaste. Turlough joined them and looked around in a certain kind of bored interest that only he could perfect.

The room was full of knickknacks and trophies, a strange variety. "What is this? A 1920's gents sitting room?" Tegan asked scornfully. "Why are we here anyway?"

"I wanted to consult someone about something," the Doctor answered, picking up a jeweled knife and examining it closely. He set it down hastily as another person entered the room.

Tegan and Turlough gaped in shock. He was a large truculent man, very white, and he wore an apron over his shirtsleeves and pants. He seemed to fill up the room. "'Ullo cock," the man said lugubriously in a thick cockney accent. "Wot do you want then?"

The Doctor cleared his throat and fiddled with his rolled-up Panama hat. "I say, is Mr Campion in?" he asked with a nervous smile.

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Unlikely Crossover No. 2: Which Doctor's Line is it Anyway?

"And now we go onto a game called 'Questions Only,' in which the contestants can only speak in questions," Clive Anderson explained to the audience. "Let's start with you, Doctor, and with...Nyssa. Yes, Nyssa. All right? Go ahead whenever you're ready."

"What if I reverse the polarity of the neutron flow?" the Doctor asked after a short pause as he and Nyssa stared at each other in bewilderment.

"Or if you bang your hand on the console?" she suggested when inspiration hit.

"Do I always bang my hand on the console?" the Doctor frowned, looking ready to divert into an argument rather than keep playing.

Nyssa opened her mouth to answer "_Yes_ Doctor" before remembering the rules of the game. "Will the sonic screwdriver be able to help?" she said instead.

"Er, what happened to the sonic screwdriver?" the Doctor floundered.

Nyssa shook her head, thinking as quickly as she could. "Um...but Doctor, what's going on?" she asked finally in desperation.

"Can I explain later?" the Doctor grinned cheekily.

__

[and don't even let me think about the game of "Props"...can you imagine what the Doc would do?!]

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Unlikely Crossover No. 3: We All Live in a Blue Police Box...

"Oh dear," the Doctor sighed, pouting as he rummaged in his frock coat. "I've got a hole in my pocket."

"I can see that," Tegan scowled at the trail of _stuff_ the Doctor's pocket had left behind him as they walked. "Lots of lovely souveniers."

"Is this a motor, Doctor?" Nyssa asked, picking up an odd-looking contraption.

"Well, half a motor anyway. I gave the rest to an old friend, Jeremy." The Doctor took the half-motor back from Nyssa and stuck it in a pocket different from the one it had fallen out of.

"What can he do with half a motor?" Adric questioned.

"Fix it to keep his mind from wandering," Tegan muttered darkly. The Doctor frowned at her, but before he could reply (or as was more likely, start another argument), his attention was caught by something else.

"Oh dear," he said again, a look of panic crossing his youthful face.

"Look at the Doctor, will you?" Adric nudged Tegan.

"What's the matter, Doctor?" Nyssa asked.

"Daleks! Newer and meaner Daleks, right here!" the Doctor exclaimed. "There's only one way to get out of here."  
"How's that?" Adric said, looking bored.

"Running!" 

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Unlikely Crossover No. 4: "It's cold outside..."

The Doctor and Ace stepped out of the TARDIS cautiously. They never knew what could happen to them when leaving the ship.

"Where are we Doctor?" Ace asked, looking around in suspicion.

"It appears to be a ship," the Doctor answered, twirling his black umbrella by its red question mark handle. "A spaceship--sometime in your future, I should think."

"Yeah?" Ace's gaze took in the area in renewed interest. "Wicked."

Suddenly they heard a commotion from another part of the spaceship. Both the Doctor and Ace looked up, tensing. "Lister!!!" a male voice yelled out. A young man with a capital H in the center of his forehead ran into the corridor where the time travellers stood. He was missing his right arm and left leg, oddly enough. "Holly! I want you to fix this _right now_! You are going to _die_, Lister, for doing this to me, you smeghead!" The man shook his one remaining fist into the air.

"Let's get out of here," the Doctor and Ace chorused.

__

[all right, for that one I deserve to be put against a wall and shot, I know, I know, but I couldn't resist...]

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Unlikely Crossover No. 5: Inside Leg

"Mr Humphries, are you free?" Captain Peacock called across the room.

"I'm free," Mr Humphries called back. He minced over to the captain and the oddly-dressed gentleman standing next to him.

"This gentleman would like a new pair of trousers," explained Captain Peacock. "I'm sure you'll find something suitable."

"Oh, of _course_ Captain Peacock," replied Mr Humphries with a charming smile. "This way, sir!"

"Call me the Doctor," the gentleman in the bottle-green velvet frock coat grinned. "I'm always ruining my trousers. Can't be helped, I suppose, in my line of work."

"Here you go, sir," Mr Humphries said, handing the Doctor a pair of dark pants. "Try these on, see if you like them."

"Thank you," the Doctor said and went into the fitting room in the back. He came out a moment later, a peculiar look on his face.

"Hmm." Mr Humphries studied the Doctor's trousered legs consideringly. "I'm sure they'll ride up with wear, sir."

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Unlikely Crossover No. 6: But Where's Your Dog?

The Doctor worriedly scratched Wolsey's ears and looked up at the young vet in front of him. "You're sure Wols will be all right?" he asked in his Scottish burr.

The young man with short, light brown hair and blue eyes smiled reassuringly at the Time Lord. "Oh, I'm quite sure, sir. That medicine I've given you should help him tremendously—look, he's already feeling better after the shot."

The Doctor peered down into his cat's eyes and nodded seriously. "Yes, he does appear to be better." A relieved look crossed his face, and he picked up his black umbrella. "Thank you very much, Dr…?"

"Oh, I'm not qualified quite yet," the young man laughed a little nervously. "But I will be very soon. I'm Tristan Farnon."

"Well, thank you Mr Farnon," the Doctor shook Tristan's hand before picking up his cat.

"No problem, sir," Triss smiled.

The Doctor frowned up at the taller man. "You know, I'm sure I've seen you somewhere…"

I really wanted to do a _Withnail and I _parody, using the 8th and 10th (from the Comic Relief parody) Doctors, but for some reason decided against it. Oh well…


End file.
